I'm writing a personal narrative for my Language Arts class and I want my opening to really give the feel, or mood for the rest of my paper. So, I can't really describe the "feel" I'm going for, but if anyone could tell me what kind of mood or feeling they get from this, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks =]

There are sometimes, in life, when you get a "wow" feeling. When you least expect it, something incredible or unexpected happens, and the feeling just washes over you. The world seems to move in slow motion and the chaos around you dissapears, leaving you lost in the moment.

hm... I want to read more.... but I can't say a state of mood or anything like that...

Well, after a TON of revising, I'm finished, so I figured I'd post it here. It's not my best work, but I worked hard not to make it cheesey.




There are sometimes, in life, when you get this “knocked off your feet” feeling. When you least expect it, something completely surprising happens, or something you knew, but just stepped back to really think about sinks in. The only thing running through your mind is “wow”, and you get help but feel stunned.

I let out a long, shaky breath as I followed the nurse down the clean, white hallway, which felt miles long. I never would have thought when I woke up this morning that I’d be a big sister by the end of the day. Thinking back on the hectic and strenuous day, I let out an exhausted sigh. When we reached the nursery, the nurse paused in front of the door and turned around to face me. “When you see him, he’s going to have something around his head that looks like an astronaut helmet. It’s just to help him breath because his lungs are a little underdeveloped because he was born a little sooner than we expected. It’s nothing to worry about, okay sweetie?”, the bubbly nurse said, giving me a bright smile. I gave her a forced smile and nodded, annoyed that she was explaining this to me as if I was a six year old. “Well then, let’s go", she replied.

She led me to the back of the nearly-empty nursery and stopped in front of one of the glass-sided, rolling hospital cribs. “Well, here’s your little brother, she whispered, moving to the other side of the nursery to care for another baby. I glanced into the crib, studying the shockingly tiny, skinny baby inside. The helmet around his head really did look like an astronaut helmet, one that was more than twice his size. The IV on his arm was prominent, and there was white gauze around it that seemed to be engulfing his entire arm. The diaper he was wearing was sprinkled with Disney characters, and also seemed to be a few sizes too big, adding to his fragile-looking appearance. My eyes moved up to his bare chest, which was steadily rising up and down and then glanced up to his face.

Focusing on his features more closely, I realized he looked considerably similar to the baby pictures of myself I had seen in photo albums so often. He had the same big, bright eyes and furry eyebrows. The cute, button nose was definitely more similar to my mom’s, but his thin, oval-shaped face resembled mine as a newborn. “He looks like you”, the nurse commented softly, shaking me out of my thoughts, and I smiled genuinely at her. The shrimpy, incredibly adorable baby with the gigantic helmet over his head is my baby brother, I realized. I have to say, I was definitely knocked off my feet.

aww! that's really good! :sob: :claps: :wub:

Yep I agree with Ashley!
That is really very good! :claps:

Its awsome!!!
Way to go!!!