Okay how many of you remember that long dramatic piece I wrote and posted in the My Favorite Mistake thread? To refresh your memory...

I daydream a lot. A LOT. Its what gets me through the moments in my life that normally I couldn't. A former friend used to always call me "beautiful dreamer." There is one thing that I ALWAYS daydream about and it never fails to make me smile, it never fails to uplift me and go ahead make fun of it but it's almost always the same.

I'm sitting in the read through room. The read through room for Grey's Anatomy. I just got cast on Grey's Anatomy and I'm nervous as hell as I'm sitting there talking to Shonda Rimes (OH MY GOD *THE* Shonda! My hero, oh how I love that woman!) We're waiting for the rest of the cast and she tells me to go ahead and sit down. The other writers are babbling and I keep telling myself to breathe, or not to wake up because it feels like a dream. In walks Katherine Heigl and I feel like I'm going to explode. THE Katherine Heigl who I have utterly adored since I was eleven years old! She gives Shonda a hug and talks about how much she loves the script, Shonda calls her Katie and they talk and talk and I'm in awe. Total awe because Katherine Heigl is standing right before me. AND SHE'S REAL. Shonda turns to me and says 'Kate this is Sara Anne, she's our newest character." and Katherine Heigl looks at me with the widest smile and says 'Hi Sara, I'm Katherine but please call me Katie." I can hardly keep still, ITS KATHERINE HEIGL. OH MY GOD. She talks to me and I'm so afraid my mouth is going to hang open that I lean on my hand to make sure it doesn't. She makes me stand up because she says I look tall too and squeals with delight that we're the same height. She's bubbly and fun and squeals with delight when TR Knight walks in. ITS GEORGE O'MALLEY. And close behind him is ERIC DANE. THE MCSTEAMY and in person...wow, he's even more beautiful than one would think. They so warm, and receptive to me. Eric sits across from me while Katherine and TR are to my left. Sara Ramirez walks in talking to Chandra Wilson and I have to take a sip of my coffee before I scream out my love for them. Sara Ramirez takes a seat and introduces herself before Shonda can. "My names spelled the same way as yours." I squeak out and home I dont sound like a dork. "Another Sara!" She smiles saying Sara "Sa-da" with a perfect accent. I'm sitting in between Sara Ramirez and Katherine Heigl and I'm probably pale as a ghost I'm in so much shock.

Patrick Dempsey walks in with Ellen Pompeo, they are cute, somewhat flirtacious and Ellen has a darling laugh. Its cute and its contagious. Then oh man, Kate Walsh comes in. KATE WALSH (and at this time I'm glad the spin off didn't work out so that I could work with her ;D) her hair is a vibrant red and she's got a smile to rival the ages. Isaiah Washington speeds in and takes off his hat and sunglasses. "Nice day," he smiles, everyone else agrees and the cast is rounded up by Sandra Oh who comes in cracking jokes and the Chief himself, James Pickens,Jr. I'm half tempted to ask Sara Ramirez to sing but bite my tongue.

ALL RIGHT. Shonda declares and makes me stand up, she inrtoduces me and the eyes of the people I love, adore and repesct so much are for once watching me. The roles have reversed, my idols look at me with welcoming eyes and warm smiles.

Writing this entry made me cry. More than anything in this world I'd love to be there. To be on this "stupid show" as people who dont understand my obsession call it. To be there and to make my dreams come true. I gave it all up for him, doesn't he see it? I was set up with a list of agents and agencies that would have taken me in a heartbeat. I can act, Im not conceited but I know I have skills and I should be able to use them! But no, I left it all behind, the dreams were bottled up and put away so that I could let my husband live out his dreams.

I'd kill just to meet them. For months I've been writing Shonda a letter. MONTHS, but what do you say? What do you do? I don't want it just to be a fan letter, I want her to know just how much I love this "stupid show" how I see myself in Izzie and Meredith. How I bake when I'm emotionally charged and how the bathroom floor has always been my "spot" my solace. How I begged a man to make it work like Meredith and Meredith's relationship with her father, broken like mine with my Dad. I see myself in ALL of them. This "stupid show" has helped me cope with so much. Its my escape. When things get tough when I feel like breaking down I can watch Grey's and feel like I can go on, like I'm not a loser, or a horrid mother or a nobody. I want her to know it. Someone told me I should actually contact Ellen Degeneres or Oprah or something and tell them my sob story but its hard. Its something I want so bad, something I dream about but how do you explain it to a talk show host or something? How do you tell them that Grey's Anatomy makes you feel like life really is worth living without sounding like a complete whackjob?

I can't help but feel like there's something waiting for me out there. Like there's that something more. I feel like something is missing in my life, and if I'm a loser because Grey's Anatomy makes me cope, if I'm stupid, or immature...then I'm a loser, I'm stupid, I'm immature. Because I love this damn show so much. Yes, it's "just a television show" to just about everyone else, but to me it's more. It's my prozac. It's my drug.

I want so badly to at least meet the cast of Grey's or hell be dead patient number 7 on the show...

I want it...

sooo...soooo badly.


All I need is a bitter song to make me better. Much better.
All I need to write is a bitter song to make me better. Much better.

It found me to hold me, but I don't like it at all.
Won't feed it, won't grow it, it's folded in my stomach.

It's not fair, I found love.
It made me say that.
Get Back you'll never see daylight, If I'm not strong it just might.

All I need is a bitter song, to make me better. Much better.
All I need to write is a bitter song to make me better.
I feel better, I feel better.


It's thursday. Its thursday and the whole world seems to stop on thursdays and maybe, just maybe I'll be alright, even if in the end all I've got is my boys and my "stupid show". I love thursdays, because for an hour at 9 o'clock. I can get away from it all and be an intern at Seattle Grace.

Well, basically everyone I know keeps telling me to send my letter to Shonda and to write into Oprah, Ellen, etc.

Well tonight I happened upon the Oprah site and right now they are taking submissions for a 'dreams come true show' and well, I submitted my entry. I FINALLY did it. And its funny cuz I didn't go on the Oprah site for that reason, I went on to find out when that special where she went on the setw as on cuz I missed it and I saw something about 'what is your dream?" RIGHT THERE. I was like OMG...IT'S A FREAKING SIGN. The entire Grey's cast is sitting there talking to Oprah and on the same page it says what is your dream? That was it, my heart stopped beating I swear as I typed up my entry and clicked submit.

I believe that if you want something bad enough, you will get it. I have never wanted anything so badly in my life as this and I keep getting all these weird signs and so on, its crazy and it's something that wouldn't happen easily but I keep feeling like it is, and by submitting my entry and then also writing a letter to Shonda I am one step closer to my dream.

omg. I really hope you get this girl. You deserve it. :)

Good Luck girl ! you deserve it!!

You go girl !
I would have never had the guts

OMG THAT'S SO AWESOME! GOOD LUCK LEXI! that letter would make anyone give you that role lol if I was Shonda I'd be like that's it make her a regular. haha don't forget us! :)

Wow that's so wonderful!! It's like out of a fairy tale or something! :claps: I hope your dream does come true!! :heart: :heart:

You go girl!I hope all Your Dream Comes True! :claps: :grouphug:

:hyper: Really? That's just great!!! :claps: I really hope you get it!

that's great! I really hope you get it because you really deserve it!

wow! guess it's "sucking up" time for the best seats at your viewing parties. you have convinced me that you are indeed the biggest GA fan. hope you get your wish!

btw, did you really put that bit about the spin-off not working out? that was funny. where's justin?

The spinoff isn't going to happen? wait...what? whoa, details.

what? wait, now i'm the one who's confused. what exactly did you submit? i thought the part you wrote in italics was what you submitted, and it said there that kate walsh walked in coz the spin-off didn't work. that's what i was refering to. sorry for the confusion.

I was almost giving a party!

OHHHH sorry I'm working on three hours of sleep. HAHAHA Yes yes I did, Shonda will probably kill me for that.

whew! thanks for clearing that up. wouldn't want to be responsible for spreading rumors about the spin-off "failure". hahaha. yeah, shonda will probably kill you for saying that.

lol maybe you could be on the spin-off Lexi!!!

or maybe there's a place for her at grey's now!

omg this is so awesome! they better have a place for you. I'll send in an email to Oprah saying that my dream is for you to be on Grey's lol. :woohoo: :shimmy: :party:

YEAHHHH LEXI!!!!!!!!!! Good luck!! you seriously deserve it more than anyone i know!!! :claps: and that will be sooo awesome WHEN you get chosen!! ahhh im so excited for you!!!!! yayy! haha GOOD LUCK GIRL!!!!!!!! :woohoo:

You guys are seriously awesome. Every single one of you, you guys all have first dibs on coming to my cast viewing parties when I'm on Grey's, we'll all sit around my house WITH the cast watching the latest episodes, but you young ones can't drink, God forbid I get arrested for intoxicating minors when my career just starts to take off!

sounds great! I think that then you have enough money to pay all our tickets! So if you send me a planeticket, I'll be there!

The entire cast will be like "so, what are you spending your first paycheck on?"

"Oh, you know flying people from all over the world in to get toasted (and not so toasted) with all of us at my party"

You know as opposed to buying a new car, haha I'll pick you all up in my 94 Jeep Grand Cherokee, I'll have to make trips!

hahaha that sounds good!!! i cant wait!! :D

Claim your seats now guys, Crystal already claimed the spot next to Justin Chambers!

I get next to Kate Walsh! hehe

Why does that not surprise me? You can easily guess who I'm sitting next to. I mean, come on. If you don't you have to sit on the floor at the party.

I'm next to Patrick Dempsey!!!!!!! :D :D :D

*sarcasm* I just don't know who your sitting next to. lol

That's it, you get to sit on the floor, if I'm feeling nice, you can sit by Kate's feet. ;) heh heh

that's ok i'm sure she has lovely feet haha

You know what? I think I'll be frisky and sit on Eric Dane's LAP while I'm sitting next to Katherine Heigl. I'm sure he has room for me that sexy sexy man. His wife isn't invited, she sucks, LOL.

haha ew will Patrick's wife be there?

EW i hope not!

not unless she brings the twins

well Patrick can bring them... he doesn't need her!

haha i know..he needs ellen!! :D

so true! screw the wife leave her at home with Talula

I think I'm going to stand in the middle, turning around to see everyone almost at the same time!

Ew, NO Jillian will not be there and I'm telling Ellen there's no room and that she has to sit on patrick's lap, and you know what I bet neither would complain.

haha yeah the only person that would complain about that is Megan since she wants to make a move on Patrick :wacko: