I wrote this to entertain Roari over IM a few nights ago... It started out just silly and was going to end much sooner than it did, but I just kept going... It's not the best because it was for entertainment purposes only, not actual writing. But it's ok!
BTW I'm not sure if it's a fan-fic... Because... they are the actors and not the characters. But anyway! On with it!
And it has no title. So. YAY!
Once upon a time, in a far, far, far away land called California, there were two friends, Cait and Roari. They had travelled all the way from Oregon and Missouri to meet their favorite GA stars.
But because of the writers strike, there was no work to do, so the actors went home to eat junk food and watch soap operas. Cait and Roari were disappointed to say the least.
But fear not! For Cait had a plan! She switched on her internal Katherine Heigl radar, and honed in on her location. She led Roari through China town, and they grabbed some lo mien to eat on the way there. Luckily, they had finished their lo mien right as they came upon the location of Katherine Heigl’s home.
Roari pulled out two cable company uniforms from her backpack and they quickly changed in the bushes. They rang the door bell and waited.
*suspense*
After what seemed like eternity, the door opened! And there was Katherine Heigl! She asked them what they needed and if she could help them. "Urm... We need to check your TV," said Cait in a false voice.
Roari followed her lead: "Yeah. For... TV rot." Katherine nodded her head and let them in the house.
Once inside, they discovered that Ellen Pompeo, Patrick Dempsey, T.R. Knight, Sara Ramirez, Sandra Oh, and the guy that played Denny in the living room! Oh what joy! Sydney, the too happy doctor, was also there, but she was tied up in the linen closet.
Roari and Cait set about inspecting the TV. Eventually, after an hour of man handling the TV and exclaiming how this was the worst case of TV rot they’d ever seen, Katherine got suspicious.
"What are you two REALLY doing here?" she asked them, hands on her hips. Roari looked at Cait and Cait looked at Roari.
"We're here because we took the longest trip of our lives to come out and see you all, and then you weren't even where you were supposed to be! We had to walk 30 miles through China Town, and ate the worst lo mien of our life!!" Cait yelled shrilly, losing the fake voice.
Roari stood there with wide eyes and mouth open. She hadn't thought the lo mien was all that bad. Certainly not the worst.
Katherine and the rest of the GA gang (spare Sydney, who was still in the closet) all burst into tears.
"We're so sorry," T.R. cried.
"Yeah! We never would have wanted that to happen!" Ellen said through her sobs.
"Well you should be sorry!" Roari told them. “Making us hunt you down like some crazed lunatics." She shifted her eyes at Cait and gave her a look.
"We know, we know!" cried Patrick, writhing on the floor as if in pain.
"Ok, ok!!" Cait said. "Pull yourselves together! I know how we can make this right!"
“Just tell us what to do, and we’ll do it!” Sandra cried, groveling on the floor before the two friends.
“Yes, anything!” Sara added. Roari and Cait looked at each other.
“First,” Cait started, “I want to beat Sydney with a stick. Repeatedly.” Roari nodded.
“Me too!”
“Done!” said the guy who played Denny. “What do you think we keep her around for? Giggles?” Everybody had a good laugh at that.
“Ok,” said Roari. “And second, we will need for you to reenact the ENTIRE first three seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, plus what we’ve seen of season four, and then just make it up as you go after that until we get tired of it. Live, in this living room.”
“Ooo, good one, Roari!” said Cait. “That sounds splendid!”
“Of course, of course!” Katherine said, nodding her head enthusiastically.
“And finally, you must take us to the beach,” Cait said. Everyone looked at her questioningly, even Roari. “Hey, you didn’t expect us to come all the way to Cali without seeing the ocean, did you?” Everyone began shaking their heads.
“You’re right, that doesn’t make much sense. We’ll take you to the beach, too,” Ellen said.
“Dang skippy!” Roari said.
Then they all set about hitting Sydney, the too happy doctor, with a stick, first Roari, then Cait, then each of the GA gang in turn. After about three hours of this, Roari and Cait grew tired of the activity.
“I think it’s time we watched some Grey’s Anatomy… LIVE!” suggested Cait. Roari whooped in agreement. They plopped themselves down on the couch and watched as Katherine, Ellen, Patrick, T.R., Sara, Sandra, and the guy that played Denny reenact every single episode of GA, having to play the parts for the actors that weren’t there. About a month later, they got done with their saga. Roari and Cait clapped and applauded, and exclaimed over what a good job they had done.
“Whew, and now we really should head to the ocean… You guys stink,” Roari said, holding her nose. They hadn’t allowed the GA gang to stop acting, unless the actors passed out from exhaustion.
“YEAH! To the beach!” Cait yelled. The GA actors groaned slightly.
“What was that?” said Roari accusingly, pointing her finger at them collectively. “Was that a complaint?” Katherine looked at her sheepishly and then passed out. Roari rolled her eyes, and then sighed. “I suppose we can let you all sleep today, and go to the beach tomorrow.”
“But please, showers first!” Cait said. “Someone drag Katherine to the yard and hose her off… She’s too out of it to shower properly.” T.R. obliged, and after washing off Katherine with the garden hose a few times, he drug her back and left her in the middle of the floor. The rest of the GA gang had all crammed into the shower in an effort to waste less time awake, because they were all very, very tired. Once they were bright and shiny, they all passed out in the living room.
Roari and Cait entertained themselves by rifling through Katherine, Ellen, Sara, and Sandra’s purses. Bored of this, they went and beat Sydney, the too happy doctor, with a stick yet again.
Hours later, the GA gang awoke, refreshed! They all piled into T.R.’s stretch limo and told the driver to take them to the beach. The driver turned around, and to everyone’s shock, it was Isaiah Washington! He grinned evilly at them all and let out a sinister laugh.
“Ahahahahaa!”
Everyone shrank back in fear, for they all knew that there were few things more dangerous than a bigoted, recently fired, out-of-work actor.
“Now I’ll get my revenge!” he cried out, laughing evilly yet again.
“What’ll we do!?” they all cried out. Roari and Cait turned to the GA gang.
“This is all of you guys’ fault!” they yelled at the GA gang in unison. Cait raised her fist and shook it at them, and Roari did the same.
“How is this situation our fault?!” Ellen asked, throwing her hands in the air.
“Yeah, how?” Sandra asked with her brow furrowed.
“If you guys had been at work, like you were supposed to be, then we would all be protected by lots of body guards and security people!” Roari told them.
“Wow, it really is our fault,” T.R. said, looking at the floor of the limo. Katherine and Sara agreed silently, hanging their heads in shame.
“Wait, wait, wait!” said Patrick. “We would have been at work if it hadn’t been for the writers strike! But since they haven’t written any new stories for us, we just don’t have anything to go off of!”
“So it’s the writers’ fault for going on strike and leaving no scripts!” said Sandra hotly.
“Yeah!” Sara and the guy that played Denny said.
“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is! I still must exact my revenge! I know that they all loved you on the set more than me! Even the gay one!” Isaiah said laughing even more maniacally.
“Hey now!” shouted T.R. “That’s what got you in trouble the first time!” The GA gang started to get riled up, yelling and shouting at Isaiah.
“Hold it!” Roari yelled. Everyone looked at her and waited for what she had to say. “It’s the writers’ fault! We have to convince them to come back and write. And Isaiah, if you promise to stop your hating ways, I bet we could make the writers write you back into the show! Come on, what do you say?” Isaiah thought for a moment, and slowed the car down. He turned in his seat, with tears in his eyes.
“All I really wanted was to be loved!” he said. “To have friends!” Sara moved forward and patted his shoulder.
“We’ll be your friends if you stop being so narrow-minded and awful,” she told him. “Right guys?” she looked at the rest of the GA gang.
“Sure!” they all chimed back. Smiles broke out all around.
“Then I promise to never gay-bash or say or do anything bigoted for the rest of my life!” Isaiah cried out. He climbed into the back and they had a massive group hug.
“All right, people, let’s get to the writers’ studio and get those writers back to writing!” Cait yelled out, pumping her fist in the air. Everyone whooped and hollered in agreement. This time, Roari took the wheel, driving 95 all the way to the writers’ studio.
They got there in a matter of minutes, and pulled into the parking lot. The writers all stood outside holding signs about fair pay and wages. Cait, Roari, and the GA gang (now including Isaiah) stood side by side in a long line, and walked up to all of the writers.
One writer stepped forward, and asked them, “What is the meaning of this?”
Cait looked down the line at the GA gang and then to her right at Roari. “We need you guys to stop this strike and start writing the scripts again. Please.”
The writer scoffed. “Yeah, right! Not for a million cupcakes!” He started to walk back to the picket line, but Roari called out to him.
“What about TWO million cupcakes?” The writer considered this for a moment.
“That sounds reasonable. Chocolate with chocolate frosting, please. We’ll start writing as soon as we get them.”
“We have one more request,” Cait started to say. “We need you to write Isaiah Washington’s character back into the show Grey’s Anatomy.”
“That’ll take at least five hundred more cupcakes,” he told her. She nodded in agreement.
“It’s a deal!”
Cait, Roari, and the GA gang piled back into the limo, ran to Wal-Mart, got enough supplies to make two million and five hundred cupcakes, and went back to Katherine’s house to bake. It took them another two weeks to finish, but they finally did. They borrowed a semi to haul all of the cupcakes back to the writer’s studio. Once they had unloaded the truck, they waited for the writer’s approval. He inspected the cupcakes, and did a quick count.
“They’re all accounted for,” he noted. “You held up your end of the bargain, now it’s time for us to uphold ours.” Then the writers went and swarmed the cupcakes, carrying armfuls of them into the writers’ studio.
The GA gang and the two friends sat outside of the writers’ studio for two weeks, waiting for the writers to reemerge. On the fifteenth day, the same writer that they had made the deal with came before them.
“We finished enough scripts to last Grey’s Anatomy for at least the rest of my lifetime,” he told them. Cait and Roari were satisfied with this, as was the GA gang. They all celebrated by going to the beach, the GA gang’s last duty to fulfill to Roari and Cait, and eating copious amounts of cupcakes.
Thus, all of the Grey’s Anatomy’s fans of the world were saved from watching re-runs of their favorite show, thanks to Cait, Roari, and two million, five hundred cupcakes.
THE END
LOL it was fun to write. I have an alternate ending.... One of two! :P LMAO. This one was Roari's idea. She's BRILLIANT.
This starts right after Isaiah pops up, and everyone starts yelling at him.
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ALT. ENDING #1
“Hold it!” Roari yelled. Everyone looked at her and waited for what she had to say. “It’s the writers’ fault! Those silly people! Me and Cait will write for Grey’s for FREE! And Isaiah, if you promise to stop your hating ways, I bet we would write you back into the show! Come on, what do you say?” Isaiah thought for a moment, and slowed the car down. He turned in his seat, with tears in his eyes.
“All I really wanted was to be loved!” he said. “To have friends!” Sara moved forward and patted his shoulder.
“We’ll be your friends if you stop being so narrow-minded and awful,” she told him. “Right guys?” she looked at the rest of the GA gang.
“Sure!” they all chimed back. Smiles broke out all around.
“Then I promise to never gay-bash or say or do anything bigoted for the rest of my life!” Isaiah cried out. He climbed into the back and they had a massive group hug.
“Alright, alright, lets all get back to the house so me and Roari can get to writing!” Cait said. “We have a lot of work to do!”
*one year later*
Cait and Roari sat anxiously in their seats. It was their big night, the Emmys!! They sat in the audience at the awards show, with the GA gang in tow, plus J.Lo because they invited her as their guest. Everyone was really nervous, and they already had to revive Roari twice because she passed out from excitement.
Grey’s Anatomy was now the biggest show on television, with every single person in the world tuning in Thursdays at 8. Because the show was so wildly popular, it was broadcasted to every country and continent, including Antarctica.
Cait, Roari, and the GA gang were enjoying every bit of their success. Cait and Roari made many changes to the show, including bringing back Denny and Addison’s characters, adding Natalie Portman as a regular cast member, killing off Sydney’s character, having Izzie cry every episode, marrying Meredith and Derek, and, for once, everything was bright and shiny… most of the time!
They watched with nervous quietness as the show started. The first presenter was their own Patrick Dempsey. He read off the nominations for outstanding drama series, listing Grey’s Anatomy amongst them.
“And the winner is…” Patrick said with a smile, “GREY’S ANATOMY!!!”
Everyone began jumping up and down, hugging each other and screaming with joy. They went up together and let Katherine deliver their acceptance speech.
“My own mother said we didn’t have a chance in hell of… Oh wait that was last years speech, my bad. Anyway, thanks! Thanks to everybody who works on the show, and everyone who watches! We do this for you!!!” They hurried back to their seats, grins spread all over their faces.
The next presenter was Rihanna, who was presenting the award for outstanding comedy. She rambled in her funny accent for a few minutes, before opening the envelope and crying out, “GREY’S ANATOMY!”
Cait and Roari looked at each other quizzically, but shrugged it off. They won! Who cares! They went back up and this time let Ellen make their speech.
Natalie Bassingwaighte presented the award for outstanding mini-series. “And the award goes to… GREY’S ANATOMY!!!”
Again, Roari and Cait were confused, but they went with it. They accepted their award and sat down.
After their tenth win, someone in the crowd shouted out, “What, are they going to win everything?!” The producer of the Emmys came out on stage with the rest of the envelopes and took the microphone
“As a matter of fact, yes!!!” He shouted, as he threw the envelopes in the air like confetti. This was the first time in the history of any award show where one show won every category! As for best actor, best actress, best supporting actress, best supporting actor, all of the GA gang shared the awards. It was definitely a clean sweep!
Everyone rose to their feet and cheered. Roari fainted again, and everyone was crying tears of joy. Then they had a massive after-party and partied like it was 1999!
And thus, the world was far bettered because of Roari and Cait’s awesome writing and the GA gang’s impressive acting skills. All war ended, poverty and world hunger was no more, crime was non-existant, all disease suddenly disappeared, and there was world peace!
THE END